Icky Vent

I need to vent. I'm so sick and tired of feel, well, sick and tired that I've HAD it. I had a pity party for myself tonight and shed a few tears. This nausea and feeling so ICKY all the time has made life very difficult to enjoy lately. I do don't sick very well...so imagine feeling sick every day all day....it's pretty much my personal hell. Not to mention I'm trying to wrap up a school year, chase after a 19 month old, keep my house in somewhat order and just be a full functioning human being. Instead, I trudge through my day at school feeling terrible. Then I come home to a son that wants to see me and a husband who wants me to act alive, and all I can do is sit on the couch and try to read books with Max or watch him play. Then it really starts to kick in around 6ish at night....nothing sounds good to eat (most of the time is sounds repulsive), yet eating is the only thing that makes me feel A LITTLE BIT better for about, oh, five minutes. Then I just drag myself upstairs at freaking 7:30 at night, and instead of bath time with Max and getting him to sleep, I have to rely on my husband to do that like a no good mom so I can go lay in bed and moan while I lay there motionless. It's truly ridiculous and I've had it. I'm only just about at the 8 week mark, and another month of this crap seems like insanity. Also, what if I'm one of those "horror stories" where it DOESN'T get any better and lasts THE ENTIRE TIME?! I miss playing with my son. I miss watching movies late at night with my husband. I miss CLEANING MY HOUSE....I broke down and called our cleaning lady today in tears asking her to come on her off week this Saturday just because I'm so WORTHLESS! I want to feel normal again....I want to laugh again...I want to feel good again :( Instead, it's just all day icky-ness. My husband has warned me that if this baby is, indeed, a girl, we will not be having any more kids....frankly because he doesn't want to put up with this again, and I don't blame him! I always said I wanted three or four kids, but after these terrible weeks, I'm about ready to say "enough" if it is a girl....I know I'm probably overreacting (me? never!). I know I'm probably being a little bit of a drama queen (I'd like to see ya'll in my shoes right now, though!). BUT....at this point, I don't care. I need some pick-me-ups. If anyone else felt this horrible in pregnancy, please tell me what you did to relieve the icky-ness! I really don't want to have to ask the doctor for anti-nausea pills....moms who took pills that were said to be "safe" for sickness way back when had babies with major birth defects. SO, tell me what to do! Help a miserable woman out!

Okay, that's the end of my second pity party of the day. I'll try to stop. Try.

January 1, 2011...

.....is the day we are due to welcome baby #2 to our family! A few of you may have already known this, but I wasn't going to blog about it until my ultrasound...and I'm not really going to announce it to the entire world (aka Facebook) for awhile. So, if you check my blog, you're special in knowing I guess :) My original due date was actually December 27th-ish, but after my ultrasound today to determine the dates, it was pushed to January 1. I have to admit, I was a little bummed: #1, GET ME OUT OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER...yuck! #2 Having an additional tax credit for 2010 would be nice...I guess it's still a possibility :) The best news, though, is that all looked fantastic on the ultrasound...we saw the baby and an extremely healthy heartbeat just beating away! I'm just about 7 weeks along, so a little over half way through the first trimester...but OH the first trimester! When I was pregnant with Max, I have ZERO "morning" sickness...no queasiness, no nothing. I had an easy pregnancy and an easy delivery. This pregnancy though is already completely different. For almost the past two weeks I have been so nauseous all day long that I can barely eat anything without dry heaving. Here I was, thinking I was a "lucky one" who didn't feel sick with my pregnancies, and BAM!...I got knocked down a peg or two. Some days are better then others, but it always seems a little worse at night. I know it could be a lot worse, so I guess I really shouldn't complain...but I'm ready to be out of the first trimester and to have energy and normalcy back! ALSO...with Max, I didn't start showing publicly until I was around 6 months pregnant. I know it is said that you show sooner with your second pregnancy, but WHAT THE CRAP! It's like the minute I found out I was pregnant, none of my clothes fit. Now I'm sure a tiny bit of this was my imagination and a large bit of it was bloating, but I'm not kidding, I am definitely showing already. Of course it's not that itty bitty baby, but apparently mt uterus remembers what to do and bounced back forward at full force. Since I'm not exactly telling the entire world yet, wearing clothes that don't make it 100% obvious has been quite the challenge...especially to work. All that said, though, we are extremely excited and blessed. We've already begun dukin' it out over names, and I've already tried to convince Mark and my family that it "must" be a girl since I feel so different and like such crap this time! A brother for Max so close in age wouldn't be a bad thing either though :) So, all you mamas out there, did you feel different with your second pregnancy...or even your first, was the first trimester quite the challenge?

Grad School!

After being part of the RIF (Reduction in Force) process for my school corporation, I took a long hard look at what I wanted to do with my life. I sound so philosophical, don't I? Of course I've wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with kids....but, as stated before, that's not really a possibility for our family. SO...I applied to graduate school and was accepted into the program of my choice...go me! :) I will be starting grad school at IUSB in a mere two weeks! I was accepted into the Counseling and Human Services program where I will spend the next three years going to class two nights a week to pursue my masters. Well, towards the end, I have to do some internships and all that jazz, but for right now it's only two nights a week, which is not too awful. With this degree, I can either choose to become a school counselor or a mental health counselor (I'm leaning towards the mental health aspect....with all the crap going on in the schools, I want as much possibility of a good job as possible....plus, the mental health track really interests me). So, there's my life for the next three years. A little bit of unemployment, a little bit of DQ and a lot of school. It will be worth it in the end though, and I've got to admit, I'm pretty excited....this is something that really interests me. I think I'll be happier than what I'm doing right now, and hey, after this long year, I'm excited to return to some NORMALCY!

Speaking of which....18 MORE SCHOOL DAYS! I honestly don't know HOW I'm going to make it 18 more days. I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm a mess. 18 DAYS AHHH!! The past two days have gone by slower than any days of my life....C'MON!

Well, there ya have it. Oh, and while I'm complaining, let's mention that my husband's work STILL hasn't cleared him to return to duty from his surgery and we STILL aren't receiving the money we were suppose to from his disability for being out for surgery. He's been out for, oh, almost 6 weeks and we have received about $900 altogether....WHAT THE HECK IS THAT, PEOPLE! Luckily we had some cash stashed away in our savings account...which is quickly being depleted from his ridiculous work and the IRS. Why the IRS? Oh, because they decided to inform us that they don't think Mark paid his taxes in 2007...even though I have the papers he filed from 2007...even though we PAID IN in 2007 and someone cashed the checks...and even though they gave us a refund in 2008. Nope, those Fawleys didn't pay in 2007. SO, we have to wait until FREAKING JULY to see what we're getting back in taxes...if any....once the IRS decides "what we owe" from 2007. Psh.

The end of this post sounds kind of negative. I'm really not angry...just tired and ready for the end of school and summer days :)