Jackson Anthony

He's here! Jackson unexpectedly entered the world on December 22nd at 9:21pm....6lbs 14oz and 19 3/4in! He was about a week and a half early but is extremely healthy and amazing :)

That Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling like crap. Achy. Tired. Headache. BLAH. I took a nap shortly after waking up. I then realized that I really hadn't been feeling the baby move as much that day as I usually do....he was always quite the mover. After about an hour of poking and prodding at my stomach, I really wasn't getting much response. A little panicked, I called my doctor's office and told them the situation. I also mentioned the headache and not feeling well since I have been monitored for high blood pressure the past few weeks. The nurse was going to talk to the doctor and call me back. Mark and I assumed they'd have us go into the office for a non-stress test and then we'd be good to go. We called my grandma over to baby-sit Max while he took a nap and planned on a quick trip to the doctor, then to the store to get some groceries and finish up some last minute Christmas shopping. When the nurse called back, she told us to just go to the hospital to be monitored since I was so far along and had already been there twice for high blood pressure. This irked me a little bit, since I assumed we'd go and have to sit FOREVER...then get sent home with nada! I even made Mark go to McDonald's on the way there so I could eat something since I figured we'd be sitting there forever as usual. We got to the hospital and, again, went to a triage room where they took a urine sample and took my blood pressure. Blood pressure, again, was pretty high. This time the urine came back with a little bit of protein in it, though, which could indicate pre-eclampsia. At last the doctor said the words I never thought I was going to hear....."This has gone on long enough....We're inducing now". WOOHOO!

I was taken to my birthing suite and hooked up to Pitocin. The plan was to keep me on the Pitocin and watch my cervix....if it wasn't doing much by about 10pm, then they'd give me Cervadil to help "ripen" my cervix overnight and then try the Pitocin again in the morning. I was pretty confident the Pitocin would work since it had pretty easily with Max, but who knows! I was hooked up at around 3:30pm. Mark ran home to pack Max up for my parent's house, grab our bags and camera and head back to the hospital. While he was gone, I did a lot of walking to help get labor started. It must have worked....at about 5:30ish the doctor decided to break my water. Just like Max, as soon as my water was broken, the contractions started coming hard and strong. I asked for my epidural about 10 minutes after my water had been broken. I was told they had the order in, but there were two people in front of me on the floor. I cringed, thinking, "Holy crap, how long is this going to take?!". 45 minutes later...after me telling the nurse several times I think they forgot about me and they needed to come now....I received that glorious epidural and felt immediate relief. It was just a waiting game from here on out. At about 9:00pm, I was ready to push. The nurse called my doctor, who was on her way to the other hospital and had to turn around to get back for my delivery. I had to wait about 10 minutes for her to return, and the nurse got herself ready to deliver the baby since we all knew he was coming fast and wasn't sure she'd make it. Thankfully, she did make it, and after only about 10 minutes of pushing, Jackson entered the world screaming :)

Jackson has been as awesome baby and his big brother Max is so in love with him. Having two kids has been a tiring and interesting challenge, but I'm so in love with our family of four and gladly welcome the chaos that is currently our household :) I'm also so blessed to have two healthy children...two little boys....brothers. Having two little boys is awesome...I must say, they are extremely cute together and cannot wait to watch them grow up together...just not too fast! Well, I snuck some time away to write this quick blog, but I have to get tending to my boys now. I hope everyone had as blessed and wonderful of a holiday as we did.

An early Christmas wish!

The past few weeks have been a struggle emotionally, physically and mentally. Not only are you just so done in general with being pregnant at the very end of pregnancy, but you start getting anxious about the new baby and everything else that goes along with it. On top of that, throw in some serious physical pain and annoying medical issues, and you will about have had it. I have never been in so much pain every single day and feel like it's taken a toll on my mood and the Holiday season. This is my favorite time of year, and it's sad to say that I really haven't been able to enjoy it much....all I can focus on is the end of this pregnancy, because frankly, I don't have enough energy to do much more.

I go back to the doctor today and am PRAYING for one of two things to happen:
1.) If my blood pressure is still elevated as it has been for two weeks, they decide to just go ahead with the induction now. That way, we can all be home by Christmas Eve to still celebrate traditionally with Max and my family.
2.) They set the induction date for Sunday like we discussed months ago.

Either of these outcomes would give me an exact finish line that I really need right now. If neither of these things definitely happen, I may fall apart right then and there! Even if they set the induction date for Sunday, a huge fear of mine right now is going into labor past tomorrow, which would put me in the hospital over the holidays :( I DO NOT want to be away from Max or any of my family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day....I want to celebrate with everyone and watch Max get excited opening all of his super cool presents. Sooo....Jackson either needs to come today, tomorrow or hold off until Sunday to get us through the holidays! Please pray for our family to be able to celebrate the holidays together and for Jackson to be born nice and healthy and ready to join this crazy brood :)

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and expects great things for the New Year!

Reality is setting in....

....that I'm about to have TWO kids....two BOYS. Holy moly! Am I ready for this? Can I handle two? Will Max adjust okay? Will the baby be an easier baby than Max was? Ahhhh! I think it's natural for moms who are about to go from one to two kids to freak out a little bit as reality sets in. Don't get me wrong....I am more than DONE being pregnant and can't wait for Jackson to arrive....but each day as it creeps closer I get more and more nervous thinking about it. I'm also starting to freak out about the delivery....I had such an easy labor and delivery with Max (HELLO, epidural!)....I'm really hoping for the same this time around as well!

I go back to the doctor again for another blood pressure check as well as my almost-38 week appointment. If my blood pressure is still extremely high, I'm really hoping we can starting discussing induction for this weekend....these past few days have been pretty uncomfortable and depressing. I won't even go into detail...just know that it suuuuucks. I have zero patience left and I feel like I can't even enjoy the holiday season anymore at this point. Hoping to blog some good news tomorrow...stay tuned!

'tis near!

Baby Jackson may decide to grace us with his presence sooner rather than later...what a treat :) After work yesterday, I went to my regular weekly OB check-up...37 weeks. As soon as the nurse took my blood pressure, she said "WHOA!....your blood pressure is extremely high". She then took it again to make sure she was correct, which she was. Right away she went to get the doctor to let him know. He came in, reviewing my charts from when I was pregnant with Max, and told me it looked like my body was doing the same thing it did with my first son. All of my blood pressure readings would read fine, then all of the sudden it skyrocketed up. The only issue was when it did it with Max, I was already 40 weeks pregnant, so it was a no brainer to just induce me. This time, it's a tad bit sooner, and they really would have preferred for me to be at least 38 weeks. They kept me in the office for a little bit to observe my blood pressure, which did not go down. The doctor then checked me and said I was 1 1/2 cm dialated, 50% effaced and the baby was very low...at about -1 station for you moms who know what that means :) That would explain all the bruising-like sensation I've felt the past few days! These numbers didn't excite me too much....I walked around almost 3 cm dialated with Max for almost 3 weeks, so I'm not convinced it means all that much just yet. Finally, the doctor told me they were sending me over to the hospital for them to run tests and observe my blood pressure. Uggggh....now I was missing a Christmas party I was suppose to be at AND I hadn't seen Max since 7am :( I called Mark and let him know to meet me at the hospital.

Once we got there and were checked into triage, my blood pressure was still really high. At this point, I also starting contracting about 4-5 minutes apart on a consistent basis....not all that painful of contraction, but kind of annoying-catch-your-breath type. The nurse there thought maybe there would be no need for an induction if that's the route they were going to go since my body just might be going into labor on its own anyway. We were stuck in triage for FOREVER waiting for the test results, which all came back okay. The only problem was that my blood pressure was still very high, which made them admit me into the high-risk OB patient wing on the maternity ward. The doctor was in an emergency c-section at the time, so we had no idea what he had planned for us. As soon as I got settled into my room there and Mark went to grab us some food (I hadn't eaten since lunch....STARVING!!!), my blood pressure went down to normal. I asked the nurse if I could just go home then if everything was fine....which she needed us to talk to the doctor first. Until the doctor came in, my blood pressure would fluctuate between normal and high on almost every other reading. When the doctor was finally able to come in, he told me he wanted me to stay overnight for observation to be sure I was okay to go home. He said he had no problem inducing me at this point if my blood pressure continued to be so high and erratic. He also informed me that if I was discharged that I would be on bedrest until delivery. UGH....I only had one more week of work until Christmas Break!

So, we were discharged this morning when my blood pressure read fine, but I have to go back to the office first thing Monday morning to have my blood pressure checked. If it continues to do what it's been doing, they will more than likely induce sooner rather than later. Looks like we may have a Christmas baby after all...guess we'll have to wait and see :) As for me, the orders of "bedrest" aren't easy. I have a lot of things to accomplish now that Jackson could truly be here any day, plus I'm not fully prepared for Christmas! I wish I could just kick my feet up, relax and watch some Christmas movies, but unfortunately I have a million things to accomplish and a crazy two year old son to still raise! I guess we'll see what Monday brings....

Blessed

Ten years ago I was a 15 year old freshman in high school. Living and loving life...not a care in the world. Straightening my hair to go to basketball games. Hanging out at Steak 'n Shake. Thinking I was "it" with my learner's permit. Oh yes, those were the days.

Fast forward ten years, and I am a 25 year old wife and mother to one awesome two year old boy and another little boy on his way any day now. I am a teacher to a group of kids who need guidance and support. I graduated from college and am pursuing my masters degree to further my education as well as career. I have a house, a car, a bank account and a steady household income. I am healthy..my husband is healthy...my children are healthy...my family is healthy. Everyone is happy. Everyone is employed. We are all blessed.

In this holiday season, I look around and see others who aren't as fortunate. I work with single mothers who are working their butts off just to give their kids a good Christmas. I teach children who have learned not to expect anything at Christmas time. I pass people holding up signs for money as I drive home from my own job.

In the spirit of the holiday season, I extend the deepest thank you to the people who have helped me live the blessed life I do live: my parents, for always supporting me and giving me amazing opportunities in life. My family in general, with an awesome circle of trust, support and humor. My husband, for giving me an amazing little boy, another one on the way and for providing above and beyond for our family with no complaint or hesitation. My friends, who are awesome and amazing to be around. My son Max for being Max :)

I hope everyone is having a blessed holiday season and that we all take the time to examine our own blessings in life.

Good Stuff

Had a wonderful bi-weekly visit at the OBGYN yesterday. Everything is looking good, just about 34 weeks prego. I finally broke down and asked the doctor about a possible induction after Christmas if Jack isn't born yet (which, with my luck, he won't be). The doctor told me as long as everything looked good, they had no problem inducing me at 39 weeks....MUSIC TO MY EARS! It's reduced my countdown from about 6 weeks to about 5 weeks to go! It also means that there's a greater chance that my brother, who is only in town once a year at Christmas time, will get to be home to meet Jack. That tax credit wouldn't hurt either :) It also guarantees my full maternity leave at work AND it's one less week of misery. I am a happy camper.

Upcoming events/recent news includes:

• Max had his two year check up today - still a big boy at 30.5 lbs and 36 inches :) He certainly charmed everyone in the doctor's office. We have an appointment with the ENT at the beginning of December to determine if he will need tubes for his ears or not. He hasn't had an ear infection in almost a month now, which is awesome! I'm crossing my fingers that he won't need the tubes and will grow out of this!
• Work is getting harder and harder. I can't stand for very long periods of time, due to all the pressure on my legs as well as the pressure Jack has been putting on my bladder lately....I might just pee my pants! Not to mention my back....I'm not even going to go there. So....I have to sit at my desk a lot and instruct from there sometimes, which I hate. I feel lazy and uneffective. Luckily, my students have been pretty cool about it and will bring their work up to my desk to let me help them out from my comfy chair. My two paraprofessionals that work in my room with me have really been great as well. They have no problem running errands around the school for me and taking the class over when I need a quick break. They'll be getting awesome Christmas presents :)
• My mind is almost gone. The other day, I wore two different shoes on my feet to work...and didn't even notice it until about 2:00pm! My students and I had a good laugh....and of course I had to point it out to everyone at work as well as anyone I could call and tell. I could blame my ever expanding stomach and not being able to see, but whatever, I'll just blame my disappearing mind instead!
• This weekend marks the start of our crazy holiday season! This weekend we are celebrating Thanksgiving with Mark's family at our house....then next week is Thanksgiving at my parent's house...then the second week in December we have my grandma's Christmas party and are also hosting my family's "cousins Christmas party" at our house...the following weekend we are celebrating Christmas with Mark's family at our house....and the following weekend is Christmas Eve and Day at my parents house! Not to mention my brother and his girlfriend will be coming in town around then for Christmas and hopefully the birth of Jack! WHEW! Makes me tired and excited just thinking about it all....we will certainly be busy, which will hopefully make time fly!
• Mark and I are taking a full day in a few weeks to dedicate to making sure everything is ready for Jack, hospital bags are packed and to get our Christmas shopping done. My parents will be taking Max overnight so we can go on probably one of our last dates together before Jack is born and try to get SOME sleep....then the next day, we plan to make a list of last minute Jack items....clean out my car and put the infant car seat in....then do all of our Christmas shopping. I'm taking a personal day from work for it and I couldn't be more excited :)

We've started putting up our Christmas decorations inside the house...hopefully we'll finish the inside and get the outside done as well before December madness hits :) Well, that's all I've got for now....hope everyone is gearing up for a fun holiday season as well!

7 week countdown

I've hit the 33 week mark in my pregnancy, which means I have roughly 7 more weeks to go. I'm going to be honest....I'm doing everything in my power to reduce that number and have this baby a little early. Safe early, but still, early. Along with chasing and carrying around a 30 lb. two year old on a daily basis, I'm working full time and keeping myself quite busy. My classroom is on the second floor of my school, and I'm always running up and down the stairs to go to the office, library, copy room or other classrooms. People tell me to take the elevator because I look and sound like I might die after climbing those freaking stairs....but heck no, if it'll help me go into labor a little sooner, I'm all for it. I won't continue to go into detail and complain about my pregnancy, but just in case you were wondering, I'll highlight some of the current glorious details:

• My back is RIDICULOUS. It was bad from the start, and I knew it was only going to get worse with the added pressure and weight, but OMG. I seriously feel crippled. Hand me a handicap sign for my car now, please. It is excruciating and just plain annoying to feel so restricted. It takes me 5 minutes to turn over in bed. 10 minutes in the morning to be able to really walk. I cannot WAIT to not have this terrible pain anymore, it's becoming unbearable. I feel so bad for Mark....since I can barely move once in bed at night or it takes forever for me to be able to move, if Max wakes up, he has to go get him back to sleep. He knows I'm miserable and would rather do that than be in such pain, but I still feel worthless because of it.
• My groin muscles/thighs are beginning to ache as well. I'm hoping that's a sign that Jack is possibly "dropping" into position and is adding extra pressure to that area, but who knows. Could just be another extra "joy" of pregnancy.
• Acid Reflux. Seriously? For some reason, when I'm laying in bed already miserable and uncomfortable, my body decides it's the perfect time for some acid reflux to kick in. So, I lay there feeling woozy and even more like crap until I fall asleep for an hour or so.
• I sleep in about hour increments. After that amount of time, I have to take 5 minutes like a beached whale to turn to my other side to attempt to sleep for another hour. This involves moving all 5 pillows I have surrounding me to a new position as well. It's quite the process....sometimes all the shoveling and groaning coming from the pain of moving wakes Mark up, which again, makes me feel bad.
• My nerves are getting short. I can feel myself getting frustrated easier with everyone and everything.
• People feel the need to tell me I'm getting big and really popping. Thank you, captain obvious. I am eight months pregnant, and after about 6 months of you telling me you couldn't even tell I was pregnant (and apparently thought I just walked around with a round gut?), I had to start showing at some point before the kid is born.

Okay, enough ranting on the pregnancy. I've been trying to use the upcoming holiday season as a distraction. Tonight, Mark and I began to decorate for Christmas since the holidays will be hectic trying to celebrate with both families plus the possibility of Jack coming at any point. It put me in a better mood....and Max and I get to go get a few more Christmas things tomorrow :) Well, I hadn't blogged in awhile, so I guess this was my lame attempt at showing yes, I'm still hanging in there....barely :) I hope everyone else is having a nice time gearing up for the holidays as well! I'm trying not to be a bah humbug over here!

To Infinity and Beyond!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Max was his current favorite, Buzz Lightyear, and he had so much fun! This was his first Halloween where he could really take part in all the fun. He did a great job trick or treating, running up to houses and taking his candy with a smile. He even attempted to tell people "trick or treat" in his own way :) Seeing Max so excited and happy really helped lift my spirits, which have been so down lately from all the physical pain this pregnancy has brought on. Max is awesome like that - one laugh, smile or "mama" from him, and I seem to forget about the pain in that moment. It also reminds me, "this is what you're going to gain from this pain." I know how much I love Max and how much joy he brings to my and my family's life....and if Jack does even a quarter of that for me and my family, then that makes this pain all worth it. It still sucks in the meantime, but it's pain with a purpose. Max is going to be an amazing big brother, and I've grown a little weepy lately that Max isn't going to be the baby anymore....he's the big boy! Max is growing up so fast and he's so amazing....I am truly blessed to be his "mama!". I'm growing a little nervous about having two kids....what is Max feels slighted? What if he feels jealous? Will I still have enough time to devote to just Max (or just Jack) to show him he's special and loved? I'm hoping this transition goes well for my family and for my big boy....Max :)

Pregnancy Updates

Well, here I am in my 31st week of pregnancy. Almost 8 months pregnant and feeling completely miserable :( Since my last "whoa is me" post, my body has continued to fall apart. One good news is that my OBGYN decided to give me a prescription for the wonderful "morning sickness" nausea that decided that return to my life in the middle of the night. Not only was I not sleeping well at night due to my aching back, but being up all night with nausea was just too much. I could barely function at work or at home due to extreme sleep deprivation and just feeling like CRAP. I was nervous about taking medication while pregnant, but confirmed with about three doctors that the prescription is safe and to take it. Since I've been taking it before bed at night, I've been feeling better and a little bit more rested. The aching back is still very present though along with now aching groin muscles that make it uncomfortable to walk. I'm guessing that's coming from all the stretching going on with my ligaments in the area. This past week or so, Jack has really decided to show the world where he's currently living. Several coworkers, family members....hell everyone....has commented on how I've really "popped out"..."like a watermelon under my shirt". Lovely. Jack has also starting tap dancing on my bladder, which is always an uncomfortable feeling. ANNNNDDD Braxton Hicks contractions...wow, you suck! Well, if this means I'm almost to the end, I'll take it! I'm hoping with all the holiday festivities coming up that time will pass quickly and before we know it, Jack will be here!

On a happier note, Halloween is tomorrow and my big boy Max will be debuting as Buzz Light Year! I think I'm more excited than he is to see him in his costume and take pictures :) Other big news in our house: Toy Story 3 comes out on Tuesday - woohoo! Mommy and daddy are definitely excited for that one as well, since it means we'll get to watch something other than the Toy Story 1 & 2 that's been playing at our house for 2 months straight.

I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween and is gearing up for the Holidays! I know it's going to get crazy around here with all the different family get togethers we're having while preparing for Jack....but hey, as I said, it'll make time fly hopefully!

Yuck.

I'm just going to be blunt and say it, I'm not shamed. I Hate Being Pregnant. I hated being pregnant the first time around. But I'm REALLY hating being pregnant this time around. Last time with Max, yeah, it sucked, but I also was not working full time and was not attempting to chase a two year old around. This time I am busy, exhausted and just in pain. You forget about how much something sucks after while....that was me with pregnancy. I forgot about how much it sucks until all those wonder things that come along with pregnancy started in.

For the record, I know I sound like a negative debbie downer. I know being pregnant is a miracle and yada, yada yada. But homegirl is tired. Hurting. Ready to be done. Just appease a very pregnant girl and don't judge. I'm gonna rant - thanks.

First of all, I am SO OVER being fat. Yes, I know, some of you who have seen me are probably saying "you're not even that big!". I'm aware that compared to other ladies who are 7 1/2 months pregnant, I may not look that far along. I assure you, though, that I feel like a whale for my own body. I am a person who is typically very health conscious and likes to maintain a fit physique. When I have no control over the size of my body, it frustrates me and makes me very upset :( I also hate the fact that my body retains water like whoa and the number on the scale and I are not seeing eye to eye right now. All of those clothes in my closet I currently can't wear aren't helping matters any. Rotating the same four pairs of pants and six shirts gets old after awhile (I refuse to spend a crapload of money on maternity clothes - they're hideous and temporary). I currently have 10 more weeks to go until my due date....then typically 6 weeks to wait until you can "officially" exercise....but you better believe I'll be taking baby steps to get my old body back the day after delivery, because this crap is unacceptable.

My back is about to break in two. I was sent to a physical therapist early on in my pregnancy due to increased back pain. The therapist told me that one of my hips was currently lower than the other, causing extreme discomfort. Unfortunately, pregnancy is only making it worse....and even after the pregnancy, all you can do is exercise and strengthen your core (although you won't have all the added pressure of pregnancy on your body). My back is getting so bad I can barely sleep at night for lack of a comfortable position. Mark tells me that I put up a "wall" at night since I have a huge body pillow and about five other pillows surrounding me trying to find some comfort. It's extremely irritating and just downright painful. I've stopped going to physical therapy because the exercises they made me do was honestly only adding to my pain, and seriously, who needs that while pregnant?!

I am tired. Sluggish. Moody. Hungry. Disgusted. Hurting. BLAH! I know all you ladies out there that either have been pregnant or are pregnant can sympathize with me to some degree. 10 more weeks....seems like an eternity!

Pregnancy Depression

I've hit the point in my pregnancy where I am just BLAH. My back is killing me. I can't sleep at night for lack of a comfortable position. I feel like a fat ass. My hormones are out of control. Jack enjoys kicking right on my bladder all day long. I'm working full-time. Max is two (well, almost!)...enough said. THIS MOMMA HAS HAD IT! I am in desperate need of some quality "me" time. The problem is, the "me" time I enjoy most is primping....and right now, I don't feel that all the primping in the world could make me feel better about myself. When you look like you're hoarding a basketball under your shirt, the last thing you feel is attractive. Still....I've tried telling myself I can still accessorize myself with cute necklaces, earrings, etc. I can still get my hair did. I still need to look presentable, even if I feel like CRAP. Lately, I've had this major urge to just want to be back in my old workout routine and skinny again! Oh how I long for those adorable jeans in my closet just waiting to be worn. I'm so ready to be back in shape and feeling good about myself again....maybe getting my back strength back up so it doesn't hurt so bad all the time. *Sigh* But for right now, I have another long 12 weeks to go. Then, I have roughly 6 weeks after that until I'm technically suppose to be able to work out again. Luckily, I haven't been gaining as much weight as I did with Max, so hopefully it's even easier to take the weight off. My unrealistic-yet-I'm-still-going-to-try goal is to be back into my old clothes by Spring Break....that's roughly 3 months after Jack will be born. We'll see how that one goes. I'm a very dedicated dieter when I want to be, and we have the Insanity workout DVDs here that I'm ready to literally sweat my butt off to.

Well, this blog makes me sound like a serious Debbie Downer. Don't get me wrong....I know I'm getting an amazing gift from this pregnancy. I know I'm lucky that be able to be pregnant and have my beautiful baby boys. Some days, though, you just have to vent. Today is one of those days. Now I'm off to eat some pumpkin pie....hey, pumpkin isn't that bad for you and I deserve it after I took a "brisk" two mile walk! :)

Quick Update

I have a few spare minutes in my day where I thought, "I'll blog!". Since I'm at the mercy of Max waking up from his nap at any moment, this will be a brief, bulleted blog of simple updates in our life. Here goes.

• Still really enjoying my teaching position this year - yay! Some days are long and stressful, but I'm able to walk out of school at the end of the day with a smile on my face and head home to my family with a clear head, so I'm okay with that!


• Baby Jack is growing and Mommy Brittany is getting bigger. I'm starting to feel Jack almost all the time now....he's not too shy about making his presence known. In the past few days, my students have commented me to that "I'm getting bigger". I told them I was okay with that, as long as they told me I was "getting smaller" after Jack was born :) I'm still not too big...people find it amazing that I'm almost 7 months pregnant, thinking I look only 4 or 5 months along. Hopefully that means I haven't gained too much weight either (I haven't been brave enough to check that one out in awhile!).....uggh, I hate scales. Speaking of which, my apetite has been out of control lately....not a good sign for my scale, either. Otherwise, mama and baby are doing well. I go for my glucola test on Wednesday....hopefully we'll get an a-okay on that! After this appointment on Wednesday, I'll be in my third trimester and hitting up the doctor's office every two weeks now....like I have the time for that! But, it means we're getting closer :)


• Max is GROWING UP! His language skills have really taken off since he started to go to daycare two days a week....it's amazing and so worth the money (or so I tell myself when I write that check out weekly...haha, I kid I kid!). He says SO many new words now, and even picks up phrases that we say by just repeating them after we say them. The difference in a month's time is truly amazing. It's like he's a little boy now. This also means we really need to watch our language around the big boy :) I can't believe he's going to be TWO on the 21st....where did time go?! We're currently planning his birthday party right now....Halloween themed, of course :) He's deciding whether he wants to be a dinosaur or Buzz Lightyear for Halloween. Max has become OBSESSED with Toy Story....all he wants to do is watch Toy Story 1 or 2 all day long. He loves Buzz. He has a Toy Story bookbag for daycare, all the Toy Story stuffed animals, tons of Toy Story books, Buzz Lightyear snow boots for Winter, both movies...the third movie already on reserve, Toy Story jammies....he's all decked out. Max has been quite the trooper lately as we head into his "sick" season....he's already had croup (made even worse with his lovely asthma thrown in there) and a double ear infection all within one month....both of which he took like a champ.

Well, Max has woken up from his nap and we're off to eat a snack!

It's your burfday

That's right people, today I turn the big 2-5. This is an age I've been dreading...since I feel as though it's somewhat of the first "milestone age" of getting old. After 21, the birthdays just seem to be less exciting and more like, "Crap! I'm getting up there!". To me, 25 is...well...it's basically exiting from your young twenties and graduating into the "half century old or older" club. Half way to 50...whaaaat?! I guess I'm exaggerating a little bit...I didn't wake up in tears today or drudge around the house feeling sorry for myself :) So far, Mark and Max allowed me to sleep in...take a shower when they left for a little bit...finish up some laundry....and now write this fine blog here. We'll be going over to my parents for a homemade breakfast, then maybe a little shopping or a movie with my mama....then out to dinner at Ruth Chris Steak House with Austin and Tabitha. We always talk about going there and have never followed through, so I'm super excited...I've heard the food is fabulous, and let's face it, there isn't much food my pregnant butt doesn't like these days! So, today is like any other day....I'm just getting a little extra attention I guess :) Oh, and maybe my car insurance will drop as well...bonus!

In other news, school is still going great. Everything is still falling into place, and I enjoy planning for class and actually going to work in the morning. I'm in a good place right now :)

Last week was quite the stressful week for me...I'm hoping for quite the turnaround this week. When we went in for another doctor appointment as well as another ultrasound, baby Jack still wouldn't fully cooperate with the tech, so now we are going back on Tuesday for another ultrasound. Doctor has stated there is no cause for concern, they just simply cannot check the last check mark off their ultrasound list until they have clear shots. Of course to me, all I'm hearing is, "SOMETHING'S WRONG! SOMETHING'S WRONG! SOMETHING'S WRONG!". So, in true Brittany fashion, I spent the past few says freaking out to family members and calling the doctor for reassurance as to why we are getting another ultrasound. By now, I'm sure many think I'm certified crazy. I can't help it though....I read into things way too much, just the way I am. SO, I'm really hoping that on Tuesday Jack decides to be in a position to give the tech every shot they need so the doctor can tell me "A-OK!" and we can move on from this ultrasound drama we've been put through this pregnancy. I'd be okay with having no more ultrasounds with this pregnancy...it's been so stressful! With Max, we had one ultrasound early on to determine a due date...then one at about 20 weeks for the usual scan. With Jack, we've had two early ultrasounds to determine the due date....and we're going on our third ultrasound for the usual scan to check the baby out. I'm all ultrasound-ed out. Also this week, as soon as we returned home from our ultrasound (me basically in tears over frustration and craziness), Max was lying on the couch obviously sick :( So, I had to stop thinking about my poor self and switch it into overdrive in mommy gear. Turns out Max had croup, which only made his asthma act up worse. The two together are not a friendly combination. I was up basically every night this week with him while still going to work. There were a few times the coughing and labored breathing got so severe, we almost took him to the ER. After a few scares, we had the bags packed and ready to go by the door. I felt terrible for my miserable baby, and there was nothing I could do but hold him. After several medications and a few crazy days, Max is feeling better. He still has a cough, but he's up and running again. It made for a very stressful and long week, on top of my own self already freaking out.

SO...the goal for this week is to have a healthy Max back on his regular schedule and returning to daycare....a CLEAR, BEAUTIFUL ultrasound on Tuesday....and a successful and calm week at work with the kiddos. Fingers crossed :)

Karma?

Well, I made it through the first week of school! Technically, I made it through the first three days of school since the students didn't come back until Wednesday.....but us teachers were there Monday and Tuesday slaving away in our classrooms and attending countless meetings. So, it was a full week back to work for me. First off, Max did fabulous getting up early to go to daycare on Wednesday and Friday...AND did a fabulous job with his teacher and new friends there. Thanks Max for being such an awesome little dude! :) Now for even more exciting news...

I know it's still pretty early on in the school year, but I am really digging where I'm at and what I'm doing this year. The students, though challenging, really need a positive role model...and really do seem to want to learn underneath a lot of underlying issues they are having in life. The teachers are so down to earth and welcoming...real people! The staff is so helpful and funny. And the administration....WOW! They have been so supportive and real, it's amazing. I have never felt like I had a team on my side until now. Not only have they supported my classroom decisions regarding discipline and my students since day one, but they have shown that to the students by following through on their zero tolerance policy for behavior. WHAAAT?! You mean, you actually care about me and my classroom?! You mean, you want me to be able to create an environment in which learning is possible....yet the classroom is structured with strict procedures and consequences?! It's amazing. I went home from school the first three days with a huge smile on my face, anxious to go back the next day and continue to make a difference for my kids who truly need it! *For those of you that are wondering what in the world I'm talking about regarding discipline and all that in my classroom, I teach students with emotional disabilities and some severe behavioral issues.* OH, and did I mention the big ol' security guards and school police officers and patrol up and down the hallways...popping their heads into my room to let the kids know they're there...as well as to see if I need anything?! LOVE IT! I also must mention the fact that there is another teacher in my building that teaches the same group of studentsd I do, only in a different grade level. He, too, has been an amazing help and support to me. I feel truly blessed and thankful for this opportunity I have been given this year. I feel as though my teaching experience has been totally flipped around, and I have that "spark" to want to teach again...something that was fizzling out due to previous circumstances. I'm so excited to get that spark back and be excited for each day. I'm so excited to get through the rough exteriors of my students and actually help them in their lives. I'm so excited to be a a part of the community I've been welcomed into. I know I'll have some rough days. I know everyone won't always agree. But for right now, I'm so thankful, thrilled and happy. Although I do still miss being at home with Max everyday, I know I'm doing what's best for my family, myself and really these kids in the community. Who knows, maybe my perspective will change in two days, but for right now I'm hopeful and open for change. Karma has swung in my direction :)

Oh boy!

It's a BOY! This holiday season, we will welcome Jackson Anthony to our family. We plan to call him Jack, so we will have our rough and tough Max and Jack. I felt kind of bad when a lot of people thought I was angry or disappointed when it didn't turn out to be a girl. Of course I'm not - Jack is healthy and that's all that matters! Would I like a girl someday? Heck yeah! But I'm excited for Max to have a little brother close in age that he can play with and they can grow up being best buddies. I also have an excuse for all the clothes I buy Max now since Jack will be able to wear them as well :) In the future (distant future, folks!), we may have another one...and maybe that will be a girl....but if not, we will be a chaotic family of three boys haha. Anyway, I am VERY excited to welcome Jack and even more excited to get back and shape and fit into my clothes! I tell you what....I don't like one thing about pregnancy, and I am over having a very limited wardrobe and feeling fat. I still have a little over four months to go, so I guess I'll just need to keep on truckin.

One small hitch in the pregnancy that we currently have to keep our eyes on is that apparently my placenta is lying pretty low in the uterus. For those of you who may not know, the placenta is what provides the baby with nutrients through the umbilical cord. It usually lays up high, so that when it's time for the baby to be born, there is nothing blocking the baby's exit. Well, when your placenta lays low, it could block the baby's exit and also cause some damage to mama. The ultrasound revealed that right now, it's not completely covering the exit for the baby, but it is low enough that we have to keep an eye on it. When I go for my next check up in 4 weeks they will do another ultrasound to see the placenta's position. I guess this is something that sometimes just corrects itself and it migrates back up north. Otherwise, if it continues to stay low, that could mean a possible c-section. If it stays low, it COULD cause some problems toward the end of the pregnancy as well....so I'm really hoping that it migrates back up north so we have no worries of any minor complications and so I don't have to have a planned c-section. We'll see what happens!

School starts in one freaking week for my corporation and I am NOT prepared. We have been so busy since I've accepted this teaching position that I really haven't had much time to prepare. This week, though, I'll be in my classroom for most of the week getting myself organized and ready to go. Max also starts daycare on Wednesday (he'll go Wednesdays and Fridays) and I'm freaking myself out about it...he;s getting so big!

Well, adios for now, I will update soon with the happenings of our fam.

FIVE days!

It's finally here...well, almost! This Friday...in FIIIIVE days...we have our ultrasound and will find out if we're having a boy or a girl. Of course, the number one thing I want to here is that baby is doing well and is healthy. After much debate, we have a name picked out for a boy and for a girl....which I will announce on Friday as well :) I hope this week doesn't drag by, so I guess it's a good thing that I have meetings and appointments all week long! We will be quite busy this week...and I only have two weeks left of summer until school starts...yikes!

Tomorrow we are heading to the bank to refinance our house. Interest rates are amazing right now and we're getting an awesome deal. It really won't bring our mortgage payment down much (boo!), but more of our money will be going towards principal than interest, which is a good thing in the long run. Tuesday I will sign all my paperwork with my new school corporation :) Wednesday and Thursdays I have trainings all day long with other special education ED teachers like myself. This is something I'm really looking forward to...last year, I was all by myself and had no one in a similar position to talk to. Now I will have a whole room full of people just like me to share ideas, go over the program and expectations for the year and just kind of support one another. It will be nice to meet people who "get it" and understand what you're doing, so I'm pretty excited to see how that goes. Then, it's Ultrasound Friday, woohoo!

I also feel I must spend a little bit of this post complaining about money....ugggh do I hate money! Especially that time of the month when all of your big bills come out at once and you're left thinking, "What the hell just happened?!" We took Max to Indy this past weekend to see my sister, brother-in-law and niece.....we got to go to the State Fair with them as well as my parents, which was a blast! Mark, Max and I went down early on Friday to hit up the malls first....Max needed new Fall clothes since he grows like a weed, and I needed some maternity clothes for work and all of the maternity clothes around here are hideous (except for Target...I will give props to Target!). Well, I found our that maternity clothes in general are pretty hideous. I'm not the "flow-y shirt" type girl...I'd rather have form fitting shirts and clothes for that matter....I'm not trying to hide a pregnancy, so I'd rather not make myself look any bigger than I already am. I got two pairs of maternity work pants and a few shirts...number one, because maternity clothes are freaking expensive....number two, I refuse to spend a lot of money on clothes I can only wear for a few months...and number three, because most of the clothing is disgusting. Then came Max's clothing....which I am obsessed with shopping for clothes for Max. Max always gets more clothes than anyone else in the family....I fear how bad my habit will become if we find our we're having a girl, because girl clothes are twice as cute and twice as easy to find! The problem with boy clothes is it is so hard to find anything cute....so when I find a store that actually has cute boy clothes, I go crazy and buy everything. Sooo, Max cleaned up in the Fall clothing department...and STILL needs another pair of shoes and a Fall coat and I'm sure other things that I'll think of. In true Mark fashion, he only bought himself two things, as he can never find anything he likes in any store.....but between the three of us, it was a pretty salty shopping trip. Then came the most expensive...but fun....fair I've ever been to! We ended up dropping a lot of cash at the fair as well, since you have to eat all that fried and expensive fair food. I must say the money was worth it though, because Max got to go on quite a few rides with Harper and my mom (I couldn't go with him since I'm preggers :()...and HE LOVED IT! He had the biggest smile on his face...worth every penny! It was freaking HOT though...which did not do well with walking around all day pregnant....so my feet swelled up pretty nicely I must add. Anyway, although we had fun, I can't help but feel guilty sometimes when I blow a lot of money. It's not like we won't be able to eat next month or fall behind on our bills, but I am a freak of nature when it comes to watching our bank account and making sure we have an adequate amount in our savings so we can live as comfortably as we are blessed to live. Sometimes I just get into a funk and a bad mood over it, which is so silly....but anyway!

So there ya have it. Minus my mini freak outs, we're enjoying our last few weeks of summer, but are anxiously awaiting the Fall! On a side note, Max starts daycare next week, and I am a MESS over it. He's only going two days a week...but I can't help but feel scared and worried....and not happy about the new bill in the house haha :) BUT, I know he needs it...I know it will free our stressed out work schedules up a little bit when we need to work a little later...and I know it will be good for him to get our and socialize and to learn a "school-like" routine. I sure hope he loves it, because that will make it a lot easier for mommy to take him there two days a week when she knows he's excited to go and will have a fun day :) My big boy is growing up so fast!!!

Stay tuned for the exciting information on our newest Holiday addition :)

New Leaf

Sooo...the big news in the Fawley household is that I am now employed and will be teaching in the Fall :) I went on an interview with South Bend Community School Corporation and was hired on the spot. I will know my school and teaching assignment sometime this coming week - I can't wait! Not only do I need to start researching daycares, but I want to get into the classroom and start getting the books together and planning. It will more than likely be an Intermediate Center (middle school), so I'm excited to be back into my original licensed area of teaching :) As far as daycares go, I already know this is going to be a challenge for me....I'm kinda picky. Although Mark's schedule may change (if he hopefully gets day shift soon!), right now he has Mondays off and will watch Max on Mondays....my parents will take Max on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Max will go socialize with other kids at a daycare on Wednesday and Friday. SO, not only do I need to find a GOOD, EDUCATION, REPUTABLE daycare....I need to find one that will allow him to only come two days week at a reasonable rate as well. I've thought about hiring a nanny or someone we know to watch Max at our house those two days, but I just feel like he needs (and wants!) that socialization with other kids. Also, I'd like for him to be in an educational environment. So, the search is on! Any suggestions would be appreciated, because now I seriously need em and quick!

Right now my focus has shifted to get my house reorganized and ready for the hectic Fall schedule to take place. I would love to not have to worry about a messy house while at work - thankfully our cleaning lady is amazing as well :) We're all excited for this new chapter in our lives....I'm really going into this position with a positive attitude and excitment, knowing I've been through a lot and it's only gotta get better from here on out! I'm going to MAKE this an awesome experience and love to do what I do again....make it fun, like it used to be! I'll update as soon as I have more info....in the meantime, please let me know of any reputable daycares you may know of in the Granger area...or close to the Granger area but in South Bend, as I'll be heading in that direction. I need educational, reputable, two days a week, afforable! :)

Countdowns

This morning I had a regular check-up at my OB....currently 16 weeks and moving right along! I've felt a few times what I thought to be movement, but it wasn't definite enough for me to actually claim that, so I'm assuming in the next few weeks I'll start feeling a lot more movement going on. My ultrasound date is set for August 12th and I cannot WAIT! I am so ready to start getting the nursery together and either bring up Max's old itty bitty baby clothes or do some shopping (team pink!). I'm still holding true to my beliefs that it's a girl....Mark is convinced it's a boy, but I think he'd say that no matter what....so I guess we have a little over 3 weeks to continue the debate. Next on the list will be baby names once we find out the sex. One issue I'm definitely having more with this pregnancy is my back - ohhhh, my back! Before I was even pregnant I was having a lot of back issues. I had an x-ray done in December, which came back clean. This makes myself and my OB believe it's probably muscular, which we can't do an MRI or much right now since I'm pregnant. And all you pregnant ladies or mommies out there know that pregnancy is not especially kind to an otherwise healthy back, yet alone one that has already been hurting. Lately, sitting for an extended period of time or laying on my back or stomach has really been as issue. My back seems to tighten up severely and just freaking hurts. It takes me five minutes, as well as the embarrassment of looking like an 85 year old woman, to roll out of bed or off of the couch/chair to stand up. So, my OB is sending me for physical therapy since we both know the situation is only going to get worse as I get bigger and more pressure is put on my back. We're hoping the stretches and exercises done at physical therapy will help with the back pain until after the baby is born, which I will then go to my family doctor and have an MRI and whatever else needs to be done to have a normal back again! At 25 years old, there is no way I should feel crippled already. Oh well, I will survive....and thankfully it is nothing serious that would have shown in an x-ray, such as degenerative disc disease (which was what I thought it might have been) or anything else. On a positive note, I've only gained about 6 lbs. so far this pregnancy, which I'm thrilled with. As I've mentioned before, I gained 60 whopping lbs. with Max, and although I did lose it all and go back to my pre-pregnancy weight, it SUCKED losing it and I don't want to go through that again. I'm trying to gain only 20-30 lbs this time, which my OB has assured me is a safe weight for me to gain for the baby. I would LOVE to only have maybe 10 lbs to lose when I can start working out again after the baby is born. This pregnancy I'm really trying to eat healthier, watch my portions and continue my daily 2 mile walks around the neighborhood. Of course, I do have dessert once in awhile, and I'm not over here eating exclusively Lean Cuisines, but I am watching myself and actually looking at the scale this time around. I think that 6 lbs. at 16 weeks is pretty on track...hopefully :)

Another countdown I'm currently dealing with is the countdown to the beginning of the school year...and waiting to see if I'm offered any last minute teaching positions. So far, I have had schools interested, but have not received any offers as of yet. Although Indiana is currently in an education funding crisis, a lot of schools wait until the weeks or even days before school to hire teachers. Although I'm not especially optimistic at this point in time, it is an upcoming event that I'm looking forward to resolving - will I or won't I be teaching this year. It would just be nice to know! One more item I may add to a countdown list is the countdown until Fall....this humidity and heat is RIDICULOUS, especially for us pregnant folks! I've had just about enough of summer....I've gotten the tan, enjoyed the lake, enjoyed the weather, done all the summery things there is to do...bring on Fall! I LOVE love LOVE Fall weather, the time of year right before the craziness of holidays, Max's birthday, Halloween, football season, all the good stuff I've mentioned about Fall that I love. I can take Max for a walk without us dying of heat stroke and him breaking out in a heat rash. Some may kill me for wanting Fall, and I'm sure I'll be begging for summer in the dead of Winter, but for right now I'm ready for Fall :)

I've got nothin...

I really don't have a whole lot to blog about. Just thought ya'll may like to know I'm still here - just been kind of busy and lazy all at the same time! We're almost done with Max's new big boy room, which I will definitely post pictures of when we are finished. I'm anxiously awaiting our ultrasound which will be somewhere within the next four weeks - ready to start shopping for pink or blue! I'm also kind of just chilling on the employment front as well. No teaching position for the Fall as of yet - which I'm really okay with. I haven't exactly been actively seeking a position, so whatever happens is fine. I can't say I'd mind staying home with Max for a year, not having the stress of work and maternity leave when the baby arrives and getting my family organized and having a LITTLE (and I mean LITTLE with kiddos around) "me" time before starting grad school at the beginning of next summer as well as go back to teaching that following school year. So, we're basically just taking it one day at a time and hanging out over on this end. All we really have on the agenda is going to the State Fair in Indianapolis in August with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. Otherwise, we're looking forward to Fall. I don't know what it is about Fall time, but I LOVE it. I guess I've kind of had enough of summer....haha, yeah, show me this post in February, I can't believe I said that! Fall is my favorite time of year though...the leaves changing, the weather, the smells, football season (my lovely husband's favorite!), Halloween, Max's birthday and getting ready for the holidays....as well as baby this year! I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and doing well :)

Is it really almost July already?

I mean, seriously? The 4th of July is NEXT weekend....I'm pretty sure that usually marks summer as half way over. Where did the days go?! I do love the 4th of July though....Mark always tells me that I'm "all about tradition", and I guess I am. My family had a lot of fun traditions for things every year, and I want my kids to experience and remember those fun traditions just as I do. The 4th of July means going over to my parents house (well, lake house nowadays), have a cookout, having my sister's family in town, s'mores and fireworks galore! It's just a fun summer night and I love it :) I'm thinking that Max is old enough this year to really appreciate the fireworks...if he can stay awake that late since it doesn't get dark until around 10:00!

In other news, I am now officially in my second trimester (13 weeks) - woohoo! This is "suppose" to means that I should start feeling better any day now as well as get some of my energy back. I've slowly by surely started feeling less nauseous and better at night (when it was always the worst), but I still have my moments. I also still don't have a lot of energy...but I'm not sure if that's entirely pregnancy related, since I do have a very active 20 month old I'm chasing around all day! I actually took a nap today with Max and it was amazing...I can't remember the last time I got to take a nap in the middle of the day! I've been back to work at the good ol' DQ working three days a week for a few hours for some extra cash. Since I'm obsessed with saving money and not buying anything with credit cards and always having a "cushiony" bank account just in case, I figured it wouldn't hurt to work there a little bit. It's a few days a week for a few hours, and it gets me out of the house and into the business that may one day be ours :) So, come visit me and I'll make you one of the new FABULOUS Orange Julius' that we now serve....my recommendation is the Blackberry Bomb - O.M.G. Addicting. I've also gone on a few interviews lately for special ed teaching positions. I'm not too concerned if I don't receive a teaching position for the next school year - and let's face it, the competition is fierce right now with teachers who have much more experience than me who were laid off looking for jobs - but, if the right job comes along, I'd take it. If not, no biggie, I'll be at home with Max and our new bundle of joy in the Winter a little longer :) It's like a win-win situation here! I should hear back from those schools relatively soon, so we'll see. Speaking of work and Max, I'm thinking of finding a daycare for him starting in the Fall. Even if I don't find a teaching position, I'll work at the DQ a few days a week still for extra cash during the times Max would go. He LOVES other children and never really gets to interact with them, so I feel as though this might be a good idea. I'd also love for him to be able to socialize and start learning around other children. The only problem is 1.) I need to find a suitable daycare around here that I feel comfortable with. and 2.) The price needs to be reasonable. If anyone has any suggestions or comments about any of the day cares around here, PLEASE let me know. I know of a few places I won't send him off of their reputation, so I want every point of view and opinion I can get. I really only need part-time daycare, so the place has to be willing to do a part-time rate (which many places, surprisingly, are not!)...I may only be working a few days a week, and even if I am working a full week, Mark is off one day during the week and my parents will want to watch him another day during the week. What about the new baby? We won't be putting the new baby into daycare until the following Fall....I'll be on maternity leave for a little bit if I receive a teaching position, and then my parents as well as other relatives of ours have volunteered to help out the remaining time until summer break so we don't have to put an itty-bitty baby into daycare if I'm working, just like we did with Max up until this coming Fall :)

Well, that's about it for us right now! About 6-7 weeks until we will know if we're having a boy or a girl, and I seriously cannot wait. What do you think...pink or blue? :)

Misunderstood?

Hello, all! Over the past few months, I guess it's been questioned as to why I have a blog and why I share details about my family on it. I guess I've been pondering the question myself....but in the manner of why anybody really cares or feels the need to question why I have should have a blog? To all the mommys on my page, you all know that you are the reason I started this blog. I started this blog as a way to communicate with YOU after reading several of your blogs....after all, the title of my blog is "Confession of the Working MOM". The blog is all about sharing life experiences with your family/children with one another...share/receive advice with one another...and just to stay in touch with those friends you don't get to see or talk to much. Apparently, I am wrong in having a blog and I post too much intimate details about my family, according to some. My response? Theeen....why are you reading my blog? Why do you continue to come to my blog and read what I have posted if you think it's stupid, juvenile and wrong? You come for the same reason I go to other people's blogs and the same reason I started a blog - you're interested. You're interested in what that family is up to - how they're doing - how everyone is - what exciting news they may have - what advice you I may receive/share. This blog is not intended to be a life biography or a tell-all by any means. Frankly, I don't think I've posted any intimate details and/or inappropriate information on here.

While we're on the subject, another clarification I guess I should make is the "defend" myself for being stressed out and blogging about it. Yes, I had a very stressful year due to a very stressful job situation. Yes, I blogged about it without using any specifics. How in the world does "I'm going through a very stressful job situation" translate into "I hate my life and am going to get a divorce"? Apparently, this is how that post was translated by some, so I am here to say "NO, I don't hate my life. NO, I don't want a divorce. But YES, the stress and difficulty I went through my my job last year was REAL and I will NOT apologize for blogging about it." If you are here to ridicule me for sharing a difficult situation with my friends on here, then you may leave. Nobody was invited to read this blog - this is something you actively seek out to read because you are interested. Therefore, if you are actively seeking out my blog to read and then making snide comments and ridiculing me, what exactly are you proving besides that fact that I must fascinate you in some way? Get off the blog then if it's not your cup of tea, geesh! Also, do not judge myself or my family for the things we may have, not have or do. Do not come here, read my blog and then make comments about things such as my family having a cleaning lady or my family taking a vacation. Different people pay for different things, different people may or may not be able to afford different things and different people just plain and simply do different things. This does not give you permission to judge anyone, make any comments to anyone else or anything else. It baffles me that so many of my friend's blogs on here that I read talk about the vacations they just took their family on, new homes they may have purchased, new vehicles they may have purchased, etc. without anyone bashing them (well, at least I hope!). Yet for some reason, I'm a weirdo for having a blog and sharing such information. Any fellow bloggers out there understand that one?

Okay, that's the end of my rant and I'm done with it. See, I feel better about it now that I blogged about it. That silly Brittany, she has to post her life story online :) My ending statement?
If you don't like my blog, then don't read it. If you aren't here to sincerely find out how my family and I are doing or to offer/seek family advice, don't come here. No one is forcing you.

Have a good one :)

Max's new bedroom set

How freaking adorable for a little boy is this bed? We've ordered this exact bed, dresser/mirror and nightstand set for Max's new bedroom....it will be here in one week! Which means I have one week to paint his room and pick out his bedding/accessories.....ahhh! I hope Max likes his new bed as much as mommy does :)

Staycation Woohoo!

We are currently in the middle of day two of our "stay-cation" and it ROCKS! Now, I LOVE my Max, but having a few days of "me" time and actually GETTING THINGS DONE around the house has made me refreshed and more laid back. Yesterday, after we dropped the big boy off at the lake in the morning, we came back here and did a little yard work until it rained. Then we came inside and were extremely lazy, watching tv and TAKING NAPS! NAPS! I haven't napped since I was in college...it was amazing! We finally got ready, went to dinner at Hana Yori (Mark's favorite) and went to the movie theater and watched "Get Him to the Greek"...it was an okay movie, but still a pretty good night! We then came home and I, of course, was exhausted and went straight to bed. Slept THROUGH THE NIGHT. UNTIL 8AM.....I also don't think I've slept in until 8AM since college, it too was AMAZING! Today we woke up, took our time getting the day started, and finished our yard-work....bushes trimmed, flowers planted, weeds pulled, grass mowed....ahhhh :) Tonight, we are thinking of a somewhat lazy evening...possibly run a few errands, then stay in with maybe a pizza, some good movies, play Wii and catch up on some much needed laundry so I'm ahead of the game when Max comes home. Oh, I should also mention that my house is STILL CLEAN since the cleaning lady came on Saturday...which has to be a record! I'm loving it and am going to try everything in my power to keep it somewhat that way! We moved most of Max's toys to his playroom in the basement and have decided that we will spend most of our time down there now so the mess isn't all over the main floor of the house....we'll see how that works out.

Anyway, I'm so in love with the way my house looks and feels right now that I may even post pictures at some point since I realized I never did that since we moved last August. As on to more news, I'm currently in the middle of my 11th week of pregnancy and feel as though this is the slowest moving pregnancy ever. I'm PRAYING that the second I hit 13 weeks all nausea and grossness will disappear and I will begin to feel normal again. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning, but it's just downright annoying that I have to feel icky everyday and I'm so over it. I want my energy back, damnit! Also only about 8 weeks or so (or maybe a little sooner?!) until our ultrasound to find out the gender of the baby :) We're still tossing names around, but we've seemed to narrow it down and hopefully I can announce a name in the near future.

Well, I guess I better shower and get goin. We have lunch to eat, more baby gates to buy, and more money to spend (groan). Which, by the way, I'd like to complain about how expensive flowers and landscaping crap is....we spent $100 at Menards yesterday on, basically, flowers! RIDIC! I've felt like an ATM machine lately, and we all know that I am extremely tight with money, so imagine my anxiety.....

I hope that everyone else is enjoying their summer! Now if only the sun would return....

Responsible Adults...we're so old.

Sooo, in my last post I talked about Mark and I wanting to go on a vacation next week while he has a week off from work. We searched high and low...Vegas, Florida, Cedar Point, Chicago, Michigan cottages, etc...when we finally decided that the best and most economical vacation for us would be to stay right here. The plan? My parents will be taking Max up to the lake for a "mini-vacation" for 3 days or so...spending the night with them, swimming in the lake, boat rides, getting spoiled...he'll love it! Mark and I on the other hand will get some much needed yard-work/house-work done during the day (after a sleep in a tiny bit...), then head off to dinner and a movie, possibly Four Winds Casino, etc. for those nights. It will be relaxing and rewarding...we will get some stuff done around here without chasing a 20 month old, while still getting some time for fun at night. It also won't cost us too much money, which is perfect considering the list of things we're about to purchase for the house! So, I'm really looking forward to next week :) Right now I'm trying to catch up on some laundry and reorganize a little bit...then our cleaning lady will come on Saturday, and I don't know exactly what it is, but I work so much better with a fresh and clean house! Saturday is also Mark's 28th birthday....which means I need to finalize a birthday present for him STAT!

We're also currently searching for the "perfect" new bedroom set for Max. I know the baby isn't coming for about 6 months, but trust me, those months will fly. Also, I think Max will need quite a while to adjust to a new room and a new bed...so, we're working on it now. The baby will be taking over Max's crib furniture as well as room, since that room is perfect for a nursery due to it being the smallest bedroom. Max will move across the hall into a bigger bedroom with new furniture and new big boy decor :) I've scoured stores here in town and online to try to find a good set for him, but I'm so torn on what I want....I kind of want a full bed instead of a twin bed, basically so he can grow into it and keep it a lot longer...and also so we can snuggle into bed with him at night and read stories. He's also quite the violent sleeper and thrashes around the entire night, so a big bed may suit him better....but, I'm also concerned about him rolling out of the bed. Anyone know if you can buy rails you can attach and detach from any bed? I originally wanted bunk beds in his room....I think they look so adorable in little boys rooms, and later on when he has friends or cousins spend the night they can sleep on the bunk....but, they kind of scare me in the fact that he may try to climb them, etc. So, the search continues. Mark and I also have yet to agree on a "theme". Mark wants a hardcore pirate theme in Max's room....I want something more, eh, "pottery-barn-esque" for boys. Who knows what'll happen....our next battle will be the nursery...except if this baby is a girl, I'll probably be granted free reign since Mark won't have a clue :) 10 more weeks...10 more weeks!

We ALSO need to purchase a shed for our backyard. Apparently, the people who lived in this house before use either: A) only parked one car in the garage, or B) didn't have much yard crap to store. Our two car garage is NOT cutting it in the storage department for our yarding needs. We can only park one car in the garage, and that's even a tight fit. So, to declutter our garage, we've decided to bite the bullet and purchase a shed. Since we live in a neighborhood with an association and restrictions though, we have to buy a shed "to code" - meaning a nice shed that matches our house....meaning, expensive. *Sigh*. So, these a just a few reasons why we decided not to go on vacation and to be, well, responsible adults who spend their money on furniture and sheds instead of martinis and beaches :) I wish we fell into the category of those who could do BOTH....someday, folks, someday!

Anyways, I'm counting down to our mini vacation of Hana Yori, Coldstone, casinos, movies and sleep! :)

Freedom!

That's right, FREEDOM...from the past year of stress and worry! School ended last Friday, and after spending an awesome Memorial Day weekend up at the lake with the fam, I officially began my summer (semi-permanent) vacation today. I even went to the baby doctor for a check-up on the last day of school and received WONDERFUL news....after a year of having extremely high blood pressure (from a stressful work situation), my blood pressure was NORMAL....she even used the word FANTASTIC! Woohoo! I was so scared that because of everything from this past year, that my health would continue to suffer with high blood pressure...especially during my pregnancy. I was elated to learn that my body is becoming healthier again and that the baby is still doing excellent with a strong heartbeat :)

As for summer, our plans are pretty open. I'm still feeling a little icky as I reach the end of my first trimester, although it's A LOT better than it was, thankfully! Max and I will be spending a lot of our time up at the lake since Max LOOOOOVVVEEESS it there....he just runs right into the lake like a pro! He enjoys finding rocks/clams/whatever he can on the beach and throwing it for 2 hours straight. I have to say, the kid has a rocket for an arm....possibly a baseball or football career in his future. Another fav of his up at the lake is taking boat rides....Max loves looking down at the water and the waves the boat is making. Grandpa also bought a ton of rocks he brings on board for Max to throw overboard since he has a throwing obsession....and it's better than a sandal or sunglasses going overboard....

Right now, Mark and I are currently trying to agree on a mini-family vacation. Mark has a week of vacation time the week after his birthday (in the middle of June), and we definitely want to take a small family vacation as just the three of us before we become four. The problem is, we can't agree or decide on anything! I really wanted to take Max to Disney World...especially since he'd be free the entire way because of his age. I've been told by several Disney World veterans though that he's still a little young and it'd be better to wait on that one. I guess I do agree....we'd still be paying a lot of money for Mark and I to go, and right now Max doesn't seem to have the patience or attention span for a more expensive vacation such as Disney World. We WILL be going ASAP though, because I secretly really want to go too ;)

Our next thought was Cedar Point. My family went there every summer while I was growing up, and I LOVE it there. I definitely want to make Cedar Point a yearly tradition with my family as well.....some of my favorite memories growing up are from Cedar Point! We're still tossing this one around. The price is still kind of salty, and Mark isn't convinced that Max would have that much fun yet. Since I'm pregnant, I can't ride on any of the rides, which would suck since I am IN LOVE with Cedar Point. My parents had volunteered to go with us a long time ago so they could take Max for a little bit while we rode some rides, but being pregnant makes that impossible. I think it'd be fun for Max to have a hotel pool, beach, waterpark and amusement park all right there - with a lot of options for kids - but Mark is still not convinced, so we'll see.

We've also kicked around a few ideas such as Indiana Beach, going to a few museums in Chicago, etc. Problem is, we need to figure it out FAST because Mark's vacation is in, like, two weeks. Anybody have any suggestions/ideas/comments to help?!

Icky Vent

I need to vent. I'm so sick and tired of feel, well, sick and tired that I've HAD it. I had a pity party for myself tonight and shed a few tears. This nausea and feeling so ICKY all the time has made life very difficult to enjoy lately. I do don't sick very well...so imagine feeling sick every day all day....it's pretty much my personal hell. Not to mention I'm trying to wrap up a school year, chase after a 19 month old, keep my house in somewhat order and just be a full functioning human being. Instead, I trudge through my day at school feeling terrible. Then I come home to a son that wants to see me and a husband who wants me to act alive, and all I can do is sit on the couch and try to read books with Max or watch him play. Then it really starts to kick in around 6ish at night....nothing sounds good to eat (most of the time is sounds repulsive), yet eating is the only thing that makes me feel A LITTLE BIT better for about, oh, five minutes. Then I just drag myself upstairs at freaking 7:30 at night, and instead of bath time with Max and getting him to sleep, I have to rely on my husband to do that like a no good mom so I can go lay in bed and moan while I lay there motionless. It's truly ridiculous and I've had it. I'm only just about at the 8 week mark, and another month of this crap seems like insanity. Also, what if I'm one of those "horror stories" where it DOESN'T get any better and lasts THE ENTIRE TIME?! I miss playing with my son. I miss watching movies late at night with my husband. I miss CLEANING MY HOUSE....I broke down and called our cleaning lady today in tears asking her to come on her off week this Saturday just because I'm so WORTHLESS! I want to feel normal again....I want to laugh again...I want to feel good again :( Instead, it's just all day icky-ness. My husband has warned me that if this baby is, indeed, a girl, we will not be having any more kids....frankly because he doesn't want to put up with this again, and I don't blame him! I always said I wanted three or four kids, but after these terrible weeks, I'm about ready to say "enough" if it is a girl....I know I'm probably overreacting (me? never!). I know I'm probably being a little bit of a drama queen (I'd like to see ya'll in my shoes right now, though!). BUT....at this point, I don't care. I need some pick-me-ups. If anyone else felt this horrible in pregnancy, please tell me what you did to relieve the icky-ness! I really don't want to have to ask the doctor for anti-nausea pills....moms who took pills that were said to be "safe" for sickness way back when had babies with major birth defects. SO, tell me what to do! Help a miserable woman out!

Okay, that's the end of my second pity party of the day. I'll try to stop. Try.

January 1, 2011...

.....is the day we are due to welcome baby #2 to our family! A few of you may have already known this, but I wasn't going to blog about it until my ultrasound...and I'm not really going to announce it to the entire world (aka Facebook) for awhile. So, if you check my blog, you're special in knowing I guess :) My original due date was actually December 27th-ish, but after my ultrasound today to determine the dates, it was pushed to January 1. I have to admit, I was a little bummed: #1, GET ME OUT OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER...yuck! #2 Having an additional tax credit for 2010 would be nice...I guess it's still a possibility :) The best news, though, is that all looked fantastic on the ultrasound...we saw the baby and an extremely healthy heartbeat just beating away! I'm just about 7 weeks along, so a little over half way through the first trimester...but OH the first trimester! When I was pregnant with Max, I have ZERO "morning" sickness...no queasiness, no nothing. I had an easy pregnancy and an easy delivery. This pregnancy though is already completely different. For almost the past two weeks I have been so nauseous all day long that I can barely eat anything without dry heaving. Here I was, thinking I was a "lucky one" who didn't feel sick with my pregnancies, and BAM!...I got knocked down a peg or two. Some days are better then others, but it always seems a little worse at night. I know it could be a lot worse, so I guess I really shouldn't complain...but I'm ready to be out of the first trimester and to have energy and normalcy back! ALSO...with Max, I didn't start showing publicly until I was around 6 months pregnant. I know it is said that you show sooner with your second pregnancy, but WHAT THE CRAP! It's like the minute I found out I was pregnant, none of my clothes fit. Now I'm sure a tiny bit of this was my imagination and a large bit of it was bloating, but I'm not kidding, I am definitely showing already. Of course it's not that itty bitty baby, but apparently mt uterus remembers what to do and bounced back forward at full force. Since I'm not exactly telling the entire world yet, wearing clothes that don't make it 100% obvious has been quite the challenge...especially to work. All that said, though, we are extremely excited and blessed. We've already begun dukin' it out over names, and I've already tried to convince Mark and my family that it "must" be a girl since I feel so different and like such crap this time! A brother for Max so close in age wouldn't be a bad thing either though :) So, all you mamas out there, did you feel different with your second pregnancy...or even your first, was the first trimester quite the challenge?

Grad School!

After being part of the RIF (Reduction in Force) process for my school corporation, I took a long hard look at what I wanted to do with my life. I sound so philosophical, don't I? Of course I've wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with kids....but, as stated before, that's not really a possibility for our family. SO...I applied to graduate school and was accepted into the program of my choice...go me! :) I will be starting grad school at IUSB in a mere two weeks! I was accepted into the Counseling and Human Services program where I will spend the next three years going to class two nights a week to pursue my masters. Well, towards the end, I have to do some internships and all that jazz, but for right now it's only two nights a week, which is not too awful. With this degree, I can either choose to become a school counselor or a mental health counselor (I'm leaning towards the mental health aspect....with all the crap going on in the schools, I want as much possibility of a good job as possible....plus, the mental health track really interests me). So, there's my life for the next three years. A little bit of unemployment, a little bit of DQ and a lot of school. It will be worth it in the end though, and I've got to admit, I'm pretty excited....this is something that really interests me. I think I'll be happier than what I'm doing right now, and hey, after this long year, I'm excited to return to some NORMALCY!

Speaking of which....18 MORE SCHOOL DAYS! I honestly don't know HOW I'm going to make it 18 more days. I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm a mess. 18 DAYS AHHH!! The past two days have gone by slower than any days of my life....C'MON!

Well, there ya have it. Oh, and while I'm complaining, let's mention that my husband's work STILL hasn't cleared him to return to duty from his surgery and we STILL aren't receiving the money we were suppose to from his disability for being out for surgery. He's been out for, oh, almost 6 weeks and we have received about $900 altogether....WHAT THE HECK IS THAT, PEOPLE! Luckily we had some cash stashed away in our savings account...which is quickly being depleted from his ridiculous work and the IRS. Why the IRS? Oh, because they decided to inform us that they don't think Mark paid his taxes in 2007...even though I have the papers he filed from 2007...even though we PAID IN in 2007 and someone cashed the checks...and even though they gave us a refund in 2008. Nope, those Fawleys didn't pay in 2007. SO, we have to wait until FREAKING JULY to see what we're getting back in taxes...if any....once the IRS decides "what we owe" from 2007. Psh.

The end of this post sounds kind of negative. I'm really not angry...just tired and ready for the end of school and summer days :)

New Direction

Sooo, we've had some change going on lately! On Monday, I was informed by my school corporation that I (along with about 30 other teachers) was being laid off. I expected this, since my name was second from the bottom of the very long seniority list, so I had prepared in advance. I have put in an application with other corporations...but let's face it...Indiana's outlook for educators is not a bright one right now, so I'm not expecting much to come from that. I'm extremely blessed that the fact that I am losing my job will not affect my family financially or our stability very much. Since my husband's work has amazing insurance, I have always been on their insurance plan...so I'm not losing any insurance. Since my dad owns a business, I will be able to return and work a few days here and there for the extra income my paycheck brought it. Also, I have decided to go to graduate school and obtain my masters degree. IUSB (not my favorite school, but my only option around here!) has a really great graduate program in Counseling and Human Services that I'm extremely excited about. This field is something that is still in the School of Education - meaning I can use the credits to renew my teaching license in case I ever get it use it again (ha, I joke! hopefully some day!), keeps me studying in the field of education but also expands what I can do with my degree. After completing the program, I will be able to either do school counseling inside of the schools or mental health counseling in either a hospital or private setting. The program is only part time and will take three years to complete - which doesn't sound TOO terrible, right?! I have already applied and am now waiting to hear if I was accepted into the program....they only accept about 25 students each year into the program, but I'm hoping my previous GPA, degree and work experience in this type of setting will help me be seen as an awesome candidate :) I also had rocking letters of recommendation from three amazing colleagues! So, we will see. ALSO...with me only going to school part time and working only a few days here and there, I'll kind of get to be a "part-time stay-at-home mommy" for a little bit. So, I'm good with the whole thing! Maybe I'll get to have another baby in the mix here as well?!? Guess we'll have to wait and see.... :) I DO feel terrible, though, for the other teachers that lost their jobs in my corporation and corporations all around the state due to this whole funding issue. In my school alone, 5 teachers (including myself) were let go....and these girls were completely devastated. Some of them don't have spouses who bring in additional incomes or who have insurance they can use. Some of them had been there for THREE YEARS and had established their classrooms and themselves as teachers. The morale around school has been pretty depressing for everyone, and it's a shame that Indiana has allowed this to happen in our schools and to our kid's futures. Of course, there is a chance that a lot of the teachers could be recalled back to teaching positions within the corporation....we've all be placed on a recall list (or a holding bin) for two years....meaning any position that becomes available must be offered to us first. So, who knows! I just hope for the best for my fellow teachers at my school who were let go and hope that everything works out for them like I'm hoping it may for me :)

Well, that's all I got right now. I'm hoping to update soon with some good news!

Crafty 101

Soooo, it's been awhile. Since my post isn't really about the past and more about the present, I will quickly bullet what's gone on since I last posted (since I'm sure you are all just dying to know).

• Still no word on my j-o-b for the next school year. We return to school from Spring Break on Monday, and that week they will start RIFing (laying off) people. I, of course, am anxiously awaiting this time...there is an open position at my corporation's high school that I'd really like to snag if I could. Otherwise, I don't know what's gonna happen....
• I have to apply to grad school to start my masters. It's kind of crap that I make a small amount of money anyway, yet I have to pay to go back to school to further my education in order to renew my teaching license. Grrr. Right now I'm deciding between IUSB (duh) or online courses through Ball State. I really wanted to get my masters in Human Counseling & Mental Health Counseling through IUSB, but I just think the schedule would be too crazy for me to be working and having a family. I'd have to go from work straight to school 2 days a week PLUS do a lot of the work on the side (which I've heard is A LOT). Don't get me wrong, I'm not usually one to take the easy way out...I live for challenges. My family and Max does come first though, and I don't think I want to spend the next 3 years or so of my life juggling that and possibly neglecting my family while taking out an UBER amount of student loans at the time. So, online courses through BSU to get my masters in plain old secondary education is what I'll probably do. I'm still livid about the student loans though - I currently have no student loans from my undergrad and really don't want any. Unfortunately, we don't have an extra $5,000 cash laying around. Pssssh.
• I've gone back on my healthy kick. No, I'm not fat and no I don't sit and eat ice cream all day. I do, however, stress eat....eating pretty crappy things. Before I was pregnant with Max, I was very health conscious, working out everyday and watching what I ate like a hawk. After I lost my baby weight (well, all but that stubborn last 5 lbs....but remember, I gained around 60 lbs people...which is ridiculous and will not happen again!), I kind of lacked the healthy eating and lifestyle habits I had before. I've been working full time in a very stressful job, and I just felt as though I didn't have time nor did I really care...I just wanted to get through my work day/week! Well, folks, with the end of this job in sight (umm, 35 school days!), I've decided the make a return to that lifestyle during my Spring Break week. I have to say, I'm feeling really great and refreshed! I totally cut out pop, since it always made me feel extremely bloated. I've also stayed away from junk food and paid attention to my calorie intake. I've also worked out every single day, WOOHOO! I'm not exactly doing this to loose any weight (but hey, a few pounds or so is always nice, right ladies?!), but rather to tone back up and feel good again. I love it!
• I hate the IRS. I'm not going to go into an entire tirade here, but let's just that they are ridiculous.

Now, the real reason for my post - I need some HELP! Although I would love to be one, I am just not a very creative/crafty person. I watch HGTV all the time and am always like, "Wow, I could so do that!"....theeen, I go to do it, and yeah, it doesn't look all that great. In order to me to become more frugle with money, I feel as tough being more crafty would be to my benefit. If anyone knows of any good books or websites on directions for creatively-challenged people on how to be crafty, please share. I'm getting an itch to redo some things in my house (nothing major...yet....just more decorative)....so, I need some input here. Otherwise, I will get frustrated and go spend money that I really don't wanna spend. Alright, that's my plea. Now go enjoy the weather that has decided to become nice again at the END of my Spring Break....GRRRRRRR.

Waiting...

Sooo, a really really not-so-great trait of mine is me being extremely impatient. Impatient in life in general. So, when a situation arises in which I have to wait on certain things, I get quite irritable. When situations are out of my control, I get very nervous and crazy. So, imagine my temperament lately when "waiting" has become a major part of life. What am I currently "waiting" on?

• Notice of if I will be laid off or not.
• Two pink lines.
• Max to decide to walk independently.
• Money situation - will I be a stay-at-home mom or have to find a new career?
• Warm, summer weather.
• The end of the school year (Ahem, May 28th).
  

As you can see, that's a pretty decent list of pretty big life-changing events. Therefore, Brittany is not such a happy camper lately. After taking my frustrations out on any and all food in sight, I decided that eating wasn't going to help any of these situations. So, now I need to probably add "lose the feeling bad for yourself pounds you probably just put on, you crazy moron" to my list. *Sigh*. To be 12 years old again, without a care in the world! Those were the days! I know, I know...."patience is a virtue". Well, whatever. I can't help it - call it OCD, call it crazy, but I will probably continue to worry and WAIT impatiently until each and every one of those bullet points is fulfilled. I will just lay off the food. Hopefully.

In the meantime, you may not want to talk to me for a couple of months :) Just kidding, I'm not that bad!......yet.

Lucky

Mark, Max and I went to a party of one of my students this afternoon. This student was just recently adopted by his foster family, and they were having an Open House to celebrate his adoption. This little boy couldn't ask for a better family to be welcomed into, and I am SO happy for him. His mom and dad have been wonderful to work with this school year, and they are just so caring and compassionate. It really makes you think - because not all kids in foster care, or even who aren't in foster care, have great families. Most of my students that I see on a daily basis come from terrible home lives and broken families. Gena, her husband and their boys came to the party as well - and as I watched Max laugh and play with her boys, I couldn't help but be thankful for the life and opportunities Mark and I are able to provide him with. Which, in turn, made me thankful for my own parents - who raised me in a wonderful family and household, and gave me the opportunity to pursue and have a great life. In turn, my own family now has a wonderful life - which I am eternally greatful for. Unlike other kids, my kids will know when their next meal is coming. They will have clothes that are clean and are their size because I can afford laundry detergent and new clothes when needed. They will have numerous games, books and toys, because their dad and I are able to have nice paying jobs to provide them with that. They will not have to worry about abuse or neglect. They will grow up in a house where education is valued, and their good old mom will make sure their homework is complete and correct. Everyday, I see kids come to school with marks on them....hungry....in clothes that do not fit....homework not completed, parents not involved. It's sad. And I am grateful.