Icky Vent

I need to vent. I'm so sick and tired of feel, well, sick and tired that I've HAD it. I had a pity party for myself tonight and shed a few tears. This nausea and feeling so ICKY all the time has made life very difficult to enjoy lately. I do don't sick very well...so imagine feeling sick every day all day....it's pretty much my personal hell. Not to mention I'm trying to wrap up a school year, chase after a 19 month old, keep my house in somewhat order and just be a full functioning human being. Instead, I trudge through my day at school feeling terrible. Then I come home to a son that wants to see me and a husband who wants me to act alive, and all I can do is sit on the couch and try to read books with Max or watch him play. Then it really starts to kick in around 6ish at night....nothing sounds good to eat (most of the time is sounds repulsive), yet eating is the only thing that makes me feel A LITTLE BIT better for about, oh, five minutes. Then I just drag myself upstairs at freaking 7:30 at night, and instead of bath time with Max and getting him to sleep, I have to rely on my husband to do that like a no good mom so I can go lay in bed and moan while I lay there motionless. It's truly ridiculous and I've had it. I'm only just about at the 8 week mark, and another month of this crap seems like insanity. Also, what if I'm one of those "horror stories" where it DOESN'T get any better and lasts THE ENTIRE TIME?! I miss playing with my son. I miss watching movies late at night with my husband. I miss CLEANING MY HOUSE....I broke down and called our cleaning lady today in tears asking her to come on her off week this Saturday just because I'm so WORTHLESS! I want to feel normal again....I want to laugh again...I want to feel good again :( Instead, it's just all day icky-ness. My husband has warned me that if this baby is, indeed, a girl, we will not be having any more kids....frankly because he doesn't want to put up with this again, and I don't blame him! I always said I wanted three or four kids, but after these terrible weeks, I'm about ready to say "enough" if it is a girl....I know I'm probably overreacting (me? never!). I know I'm probably being a little bit of a drama queen (I'd like to see ya'll in my shoes right now, though!). BUT....at this point, I don't care. I need some pick-me-ups. If anyone else felt this horrible in pregnancy, please tell me what you did to relieve the icky-ness! I really don't want to have to ask the doctor for anti-nausea pills....moms who took pills that were said to be "safe" for sickness way back when had babies with major birth defects. SO, tell me what to do! Help a miserable woman out!

Okay, that's the end of my second pity party of the day. I'll try to stop. Try.

January 1, 2011...

.....is the day we are due to welcome baby #2 to our family! A few of you may have already known this, but I wasn't going to blog about it until my ultrasound...and I'm not really going to announce it to the entire world (aka Facebook) for awhile. So, if you check my blog, you're special in knowing I guess :) My original due date was actually December 27th-ish, but after my ultrasound today to determine the dates, it was pushed to January 1. I have to admit, I was a little bummed: #1, GET ME OUT OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER...yuck! #2 Having an additional tax credit for 2010 would be nice...I guess it's still a possibility :) The best news, though, is that all looked fantastic on the ultrasound...we saw the baby and an extremely healthy heartbeat just beating away! I'm just about 7 weeks along, so a little over half way through the first trimester...but OH the first trimester! When I was pregnant with Max, I have ZERO "morning" sickness...no queasiness, no nothing. I had an easy pregnancy and an easy delivery. This pregnancy though is already completely different. For almost the past two weeks I have been so nauseous all day long that I can barely eat anything without dry heaving. Here I was, thinking I was a "lucky one" who didn't feel sick with my pregnancies, and BAM!...I got knocked down a peg or two. Some days are better then others, but it always seems a little worse at night. I know it could be a lot worse, so I guess I really shouldn't complain...but I'm ready to be out of the first trimester and to have energy and normalcy back! ALSO...with Max, I didn't start showing publicly until I was around 6 months pregnant. I know it is said that you show sooner with your second pregnancy, but WHAT THE CRAP! It's like the minute I found out I was pregnant, none of my clothes fit. Now I'm sure a tiny bit of this was my imagination and a large bit of it was bloating, but I'm not kidding, I am definitely showing already. Of course it's not that itty bitty baby, but apparently mt uterus remembers what to do and bounced back forward at full force. Since I'm not exactly telling the entire world yet, wearing clothes that don't make it 100% obvious has been quite the challenge...especially to work. All that said, though, we are extremely excited and blessed. We've already begun dukin' it out over names, and I've already tried to convince Mark and my family that it "must" be a girl since I feel so different and like such crap this time! A brother for Max so close in age wouldn't be a bad thing either though :) So, all you mamas out there, did you feel different with your second pregnancy...or even your first, was the first trimester quite the challenge?

Grad School!

After being part of the RIF (Reduction in Force) process for my school corporation, I took a long hard look at what I wanted to do with my life. I sound so philosophical, don't I? Of course I've wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with kids....but, as stated before, that's not really a possibility for our family. SO...I applied to graduate school and was accepted into the program of my choice...go me! :) I will be starting grad school at IUSB in a mere two weeks! I was accepted into the Counseling and Human Services program where I will spend the next three years going to class two nights a week to pursue my masters. Well, towards the end, I have to do some internships and all that jazz, but for right now it's only two nights a week, which is not too awful. With this degree, I can either choose to become a school counselor or a mental health counselor (I'm leaning towards the mental health aspect....with all the crap going on in the schools, I want as much possibility of a good job as possible....plus, the mental health track really interests me). So, there's my life for the next three years. A little bit of unemployment, a little bit of DQ and a lot of school. It will be worth it in the end though, and I've got to admit, I'm pretty excited....this is something that really interests me. I think I'll be happier than what I'm doing right now, and hey, after this long year, I'm excited to return to some NORMALCY!

Speaking of which....18 MORE SCHOOL DAYS! I honestly don't know HOW I'm going to make it 18 more days. I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm a mess. 18 DAYS AHHH!! The past two days have gone by slower than any days of my life....C'MON!

Well, there ya have it. Oh, and while I'm complaining, let's mention that my husband's work STILL hasn't cleared him to return to duty from his surgery and we STILL aren't receiving the money we were suppose to from his disability for being out for surgery. He's been out for, oh, almost 6 weeks and we have received about $900 altogether....WHAT THE HECK IS THAT, PEOPLE! Luckily we had some cash stashed away in our savings account...which is quickly being depleted from his ridiculous work and the IRS. Why the IRS? Oh, because they decided to inform us that they don't think Mark paid his taxes in 2007...even though I have the papers he filed from 2007...even though we PAID IN in 2007 and someone cashed the checks...and even though they gave us a refund in 2008. Nope, those Fawleys didn't pay in 2007. SO, we have to wait until FREAKING JULY to see what we're getting back in taxes...if any....once the IRS decides "what we owe" from 2007. Psh.

The end of this post sounds kind of negative. I'm really not angry...just tired and ready for the end of school and summer days :)

New Direction

Sooo, we've had some change going on lately! On Monday, I was informed by my school corporation that I (along with about 30 other teachers) was being laid off. I expected this, since my name was second from the bottom of the very long seniority list, so I had prepared in advance. I have put in an application with other corporations...but let's face it...Indiana's outlook for educators is not a bright one right now, so I'm not expecting much to come from that. I'm extremely blessed that the fact that I am losing my job will not affect my family financially or our stability very much. Since my husband's work has amazing insurance, I have always been on their insurance plan...so I'm not losing any insurance. Since my dad owns a business, I will be able to return and work a few days here and there for the extra income my paycheck brought it. Also, I have decided to go to graduate school and obtain my masters degree. IUSB (not my favorite school, but my only option around here!) has a really great graduate program in Counseling and Human Services that I'm extremely excited about. This field is something that is still in the School of Education - meaning I can use the credits to renew my teaching license in case I ever get it use it again (ha, I joke! hopefully some day!), keeps me studying in the field of education but also expands what I can do with my degree. After completing the program, I will be able to either do school counseling inside of the schools or mental health counseling in either a hospital or private setting. The program is only part time and will take three years to complete - which doesn't sound TOO terrible, right?! I have already applied and am now waiting to hear if I was accepted into the program....they only accept about 25 students each year into the program, but I'm hoping my previous GPA, degree and work experience in this type of setting will help me be seen as an awesome candidate :) I also had rocking letters of recommendation from three amazing colleagues! So, we will see. ALSO...with me only going to school part time and working only a few days here and there, I'll kind of get to be a "part-time stay-at-home mommy" for a little bit. So, I'm good with the whole thing! Maybe I'll get to have another baby in the mix here as well?!? Guess we'll have to wait and see.... :) I DO feel terrible, though, for the other teachers that lost their jobs in my corporation and corporations all around the state due to this whole funding issue. In my school alone, 5 teachers (including myself) were let go....and these girls were completely devastated. Some of them don't have spouses who bring in additional incomes or who have insurance they can use. Some of them had been there for THREE YEARS and had established their classrooms and themselves as teachers. The morale around school has been pretty depressing for everyone, and it's a shame that Indiana has allowed this to happen in our schools and to our kid's futures. Of course, there is a chance that a lot of the teachers could be recalled back to teaching positions within the corporation....we've all be placed on a recall list (or a holding bin) for two years....meaning any position that becomes available must be offered to us first. So, who knows! I just hope for the best for my fellow teachers at my school who were let go and hope that everything works out for them like I'm hoping it may for me :)

Well, that's all I got right now. I'm hoping to update soon with some good news!

Crafty 101

Soooo, it's been awhile. Since my post isn't really about the past and more about the present, I will quickly bullet what's gone on since I last posted (since I'm sure you are all just dying to know).

• Still no word on my j-o-b for the next school year. We return to school from Spring Break on Monday, and that week they will start RIFing (laying off) people. I, of course, am anxiously awaiting this time...there is an open position at my corporation's high school that I'd really like to snag if I could. Otherwise, I don't know what's gonna happen....
• I have to apply to grad school to start my masters. It's kind of crap that I make a small amount of money anyway, yet I have to pay to go back to school to further my education in order to renew my teaching license. Grrr. Right now I'm deciding between IUSB (duh) or online courses through Ball State. I really wanted to get my masters in Human Counseling & Mental Health Counseling through IUSB, but I just think the schedule would be too crazy for me to be working and having a family. I'd have to go from work straight to school 2 days a week PLUS do a lot of the work on the side (which I've heard is A LOT). Don't get me wrong, I'm not usually one to take the easy way out...I live for challenges. My family and Max does come first though, and I don't think I want to spend the next 3 years or so of my life juggling that and possibly neglecting my family while taking out an UBER amount of student loans at the time. So, online courses through BSU to get my masters in plain old secondary education is what I'll probably do. I'm still livid about the student loans though - I currently have no student loans from my undergrad and really don't want any. Unfortunately, we don't have an extra $5,000 cash laying around. Pssssh.
• I've gone back on my healthy kick. No, I'm not fat and no I don't sit and eat ice cream all day. I do, however, stress eat....eating pretty crappy things. Before I was pregnant with Max, I was very health conscious, working out everyday and watching what I ate like a hawk. After I lost my baby weight (well, all but that stubborn last 5 lbs....but remember, I gained around 60 lbs people...which is ridiculous and will not happen again!), I kind of lacked the healthy eating and lifestyle habits I had before. I've been working full time in a very stressful job, and I just felt as though I didn't have time nor did I really care...I just wanted to get through my work day/week! Well, folks, with the end of this job in sight (umm, 35 school days!), I've decided the make a return to that lifestyle during my Spring Break week. I have to say, I'm feeling really great and refreshed! I totally cut out pop, since it always made me feel extremely bloated. I've also stayed away from junk food and paid attention to my calorie intake. I've also worked out every single day, WOOHOO! I'm not exactly doing this to loose any weight (but hey, a few pounds or so is always nice, right ladies?!), but rather to tone back up and feel good again. I love it!
• I hate the IRS. I'm not going to go into an entire tirade here, but let's just that they are ridiculous.

Now, the real reason for my post - I need some HELP! Although I would love to be one, I am just not a very creative/crafty person. I watch HGTV all the time and am always like, "Wow, I could so do that!"....theeen, I go to do it, and yeah, it doesn't look all that great. In order to me to become more frugle with money, I feel as tough being more crafty would be to my benefit. If anyone knows of any good books or websites on directions for creatively-challenged people on how to be crafty, please share. I'm getting an itch to redo some things in my house (nothing major...yet....just more decorative)....so, I need some input here. Otherwise, I will get frustrated and go spend money that I really don't wanna spend. Alright, that's my plea. Now go enjoy the weather that has decided to become nice again at the END of my Spring Break....GRRRRRRR.

Waiting...

Sooo, a really really not-so-great trait of mine is me being extremely impatient. Impatient in life in general. So, when a situation arises in which I have to wait on certain things, I get quite irritable. When situations are out of my control, I get very nervous and crazy. So, imagine my temperament lately when "waiting" has become a major part of life. What am I currently "waiting" on?

• Notice of if I will be laid off or not.
• Two pink lines.
• Max to decide to walk independently.
• Money situation - will I be a stay-at-home mom or have to find a new career?
• Warm, summer weather.
• The end of the school year (Ahem, May 28th).
  

As you can see, that's a pretty decent list of pretty big life-changing events. Therefore, Brittany is not such a happy camper lately. After taking my frustrations out on any and all food in sight, I decided that eating wasn't going to help any of these situations. So, now I need to probably add "lose the feeling bad for yourself pounds you probably just put on, you crazy moron" to my list. *Sigh*. To be 12 years old again, without a care in the world! Those were the days! I know, I know...."patience is a virtue". Well, whatever. I can't help it - call it OCD, call it crazy, but I will probably continue to worry and WAIT impatiently until each and every one of those bullet points is fulfilled. I will just lay off the food. Hopefully.

In the meantime, you may not want to talk to me for a couple of months :) Just kidding, I'm not that bad!......yet.

Lucky

Mark, Max and I went to a party of one of my students this afternoon. This student was just recently adopted by his foster family, and they were having an Open House to celebrate his adoption. This little boy couldn't ask for a better family to be welcomed into, and I am SO happy for him. His mom and dad have been wonderful to work with this school year, and they are just so caring and compassionate. It really makes you think - because not all kids in foster care, or even who aren't in foster care, have great families. Most of my students that I see on a daily basis come from terrible home lives and broken families. Gena, her husband and their boys came to the party as well - and as I watched Max laugh and play with her boys, I couldn't help but be thankful for the life and opportunities Mark and I are able to provide him with. Which, in turn, made me thankful for my own parents - who raised me in a wonderful family and household, and gave me the opportunity to pursue and have a great life. In turn, my own family now has a wonderful life - which I am eternally greatful for. Unlike other kids, my kids will know when their next meal is coming. They will have clothes that are clean and are their size because I can afford laundry detergent and new clothes when needed. They will have numerous games, books and toys, because their dad and I are able to have nice paying jobs to provide them with that. They will not have to worry about abuse or neglect. They will grow up in a house where education is valued, and their good old mom will make sure their homework is complete and correct. Everyday, I see kids come to school with marks on them....hungry....in clothes that do not fit....homework not completed, parents not involved. It's sad. And I am grateful.